Ian Ashton's Adventure

Unexpected snapshots

2011-04-10T21:38:00.000-07:00

I thoroughly wish I had written more entries in my blog this year. You know, to catch up on life, to document the journey since being back in Utah post Australia, all the learnings and all of the growth pains. However, I think just one snapshot from today tells well what I have been experiencing the past six months or so and thought to quickly share it.

I had just finished with my small group meeting this evening and as I said my goodbyes and watched my friends leave through front door, I turned back to the kitchen and glanced at my cell phone. As I clicked a button, a new picture flashed to life on the screen and at first I wasn't aware of how it had been taken or even what it was. On second glance, it appeared to be one of those blooper shots. You know, your camera's shoved deep in your pocket and then, unexpectedly, snaps a picture and what you end up with is this blurry black backdrop with a bit of gray fuzz in the corner. That's what kind of picture this was, except at least I could distinguish some of the kitchen floor and counter in it.

As I began to think about where my other picture had disappeared to in my phone, I thought about trying out something new. I scrolled through the cell phone menu and came across another shot I had taken a month back, one I had totally forgotten. My previous phone "wallpaper" was from when my family had visited New Zealand--a very special memory. But the new photo I was now looking at was of a simple yet stunning sunset in my home state of Utah, right in Cache Valley where I was born. "Beautiful." I said, smiling to myself and selecting it as the new wallpaper.

What about other snapshots... either those past or present that I'm holding onto that's taking up the screen of my vision and direction?

I know that in the recent past, I have felt like old dreams have been kind of stolen away. Vision fades, seasons change, life happens, and we're left wondering, "How did my direction get lost along the way?"

It is such a blessing and welcome surprise to say that new adventures have come my way--adventures that I did not even see coming. They say it's when you're not looking for something that it finds you. It may be more accurate to see life through the lens of this principle: wait on the Lord and he will renew your strength. In other words, he will give you new passion, purpose, and direction for pursuing him when the time is right. The key here, I have found, is in realizing that God's timing happens to be different from ours, for He is infinite while we are merely finite.

I think this season of new surprises was an outworking of the principle of waiting on the Lord. Just when things were feeling aimless, random, and discouraging, I began stepping out in faith for something I believed in: God's kingdom moving forward in Utah. And I do believe waiting is an active process, much like athletes have a season of "active recovery." The training doesn't stop just because its a season of recovery. If that were so, the athlete would lose all the ground gained through training up to that point.

So as I began to actively wait, and just when it felt like it was getting too late for things to "come together" in my journey, God met me there.

Now I find new opportunities here which I could have only dreamed about. God had something so much more than what I could have plotted and planned on my own. He was letting time and a season of waiting do its work in me for me to realize this, to embrace it. And there is a realization that has helped me immensely in this process: it's not about me. As soon as I readjusted my own adventures to align them with the work God was already doing where I was at, I found myself part of a larger story--involved in something in which I got to play a crucial role. And I think that's what we all long for... a crucial role in a story larger than us.

We are living in God's story, wherever we are at, and as we accept his invitation to step into it, acknowledging we are participants and guests, we soon find a place in which we could have only dreamed of living. We are now living the fulfilled life, pervaded by the one who is life.

This is a new snapshot I am adopting for the wallpaper of my life--one worth keeping.

2010-11-08T21:08:00.000-08:00

The One with the Inside Scoop

I was thinking about ipods the other day. More specifically, I was reflecting on my first eighty gig classic ipod purchase and how everything for several days seemed to revolve around how I could organize my entire music library perfectly for this new gadget. After days of tireless laboring, I had a fully furnished and elaborately categorized itunes library. Several years down the road with this ipod and it seemed that I hadn’t even engaged in the project.

You see, my ipod has a lot of space. It’s not the newest model and doesn’t even boast the best features of the currents apple gizmos. However, its eighty gigabyte storage capacity is quite sufficient to stash my music: I have all of my tunes within a pocket's reach and unlimited access to all the music I have owned since Jars of Clay came out with their self-titled album in middleschool. Really, that’s just it: I likely haven’t used ninety percent of what’s available on there. How sad to have access to all of that and not be able to use it all, even if I wanted to!

Then it occurred to me that much of my life has been lived this way in the past. I go out and gather all my information, my resources, my materials, and then I horde them into a massive pile of information, much like a squirrel gathers nuts for the winter. Then when I’ve successfully accomplished all this, I am ready to move on with life--to tackle all that life throws at me. However, it’s not so easy to move on when I am lugging a hibernation-size pile of preparation in my knapsack. I don’t know if you’re similar in this but I’ve always sighed with relief when I feel that I am prepared. However, I’ve been finding lately that I have quite a bit more than I need to adequately face the challenges of life. And therein lies the problem.

I’m reminded of Jesus telling the disciples to go out and not take anything extra with them. Everything was to be provided along the way. What excitement there must have been (if not a little anticipation) to not know where your next meal was coming from or if you’d have enough money to cover your expenses to live! However, there was always enough. God always provided. Remember the feeding of the five thousand with just a couple of fish and a few loaves?

And so I’m reminded of my own journey. How often do I form an extensive itinerary of what I think needs to be done in order to ensure survival? Do I really need to spend days on my itunes library of life, something for which I won’t even access the majority of in the future? Or do I trust the great counsellor to tell me what I need to (or what not to) pack for the journey?

I know that since coming home from Australia in July, things have looked different for my journey than I expected. I really didn't foresee coming home that soon. However, I felt God was leading me home, and therefore the path was good. How I would have prepared differently if I had known this change and move would come so suddenly! I'm convinced that living "lighter" and less attached to the stuff of life during that season in Australia would have made the transition smoother and the time there even more rewarding. You know, all the "to-do" lists, the jobs, the events, the various extras that get chucked into the mix and tend to complicate things. But with God's hand upon this change and an extra seasoning of grace, I'm in a new and beautiful season, one offering new perspectives and insights on the journey thus far.

And so in this new season, I am reminded that perhaps the holy spirit can see what I need a bit better than I can. In trusting him with my schedule, day, and priorities first, he will tell me what is truly important for that day, month, year. Then when I need to access the itunes library of preparation, I will have just what I need when I need it, for I have packed according to what my all-knowing guide has prescribed for the journey.

We are heroes

2010-04-17T00:21:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about stories lately. Stories inspire, they quicken, they connect, and perhaps most of all, they allow for reflection.
I wonder if we realize that we, too, are in stories of our own? Something I've been reflecting upon lately is how much I've been relating with epic movies and more particularly, with the stories within those movies. I just recently saw Clash of the Titans and afterward I was thinking, "Wow-- I really relate to Perseus's struggle with all of these seemingly impossible obstacles." Similarly, my recent experience is one of trial and I have found that trial births a warrior spirit--something which one finds in tales like this. And if we do not yet relate to such a tale, it is at least the starting point for how we can come to long for a story like this.
What I have been continually reminded of is that we live in a world that is at spiritual war. And we are all cast as the main character in each of our stories, whether we want the part or not. However, it is up to us whether we act upon that or not. In The Lord of the Rings, when Frodo complains that he wishes the ring had never come to him at all and that none of his journey turned out the way it had, Gandalf replies, "Such things are not for you to decide. All that we can do is decide what we will do with the time that is given to us." Simply ignoring the fact that we play a crucial role in our story or choosing to believe that the world is not at spiritual war does not excuse us from the battle nor does it land us an excuse for an "escape from jail free" card. No, it is very important to realize what is going on around us and see things as they really are, as John Eldredge relates in his book, Waking the Dead. Similarly, it is crucial we learn how to fight in this war.
I relate to the characters in these stories because they have all gone through a test which has brought them out transformed on the other side. This is one such thing I have been learning in this season. I have found that we all have giants to slay and that not one person is left without them in their journey. Some might not fully realize what those giants may be, but they are there, no doubt, and they need to be slain! The enemy wants us to think they cannot be defeated. They can and will. Let us not forget David and Goliath.
An element that recurs throughout stories such as Gladiator, Clash of the Titans, and Avitar, is that the main characters have been transformed by their trial into being the hero they now are. No place of honor comes without a price tag, and this is exactly who we are meant to be in this spiritual battle: honored warriors.
After a season of trials and giants to be overcome and conquer, I found myself smiling with a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment as I realized why I could relate to these heros in these movies--these stories. God was actually using those very challenges and circumstances in my life to fashion me into the weapon that he would use to destroy the enemy seeking to devour me. Although I still face and will continue to face many more giants, I take confident assurance in knowing that God alone is my strength and rock, the lifter of my head and that it is he who trains my hands for war (Psalm 144:1).
If we find that we cannot relate to the characters of these tales of great exploits and triumphant victories and the slaying of great giants and foes, let us examine at the very core of our being why this is so and then move away from simply desiring to have a similar story and step with courageous faith into the deep waters of trust and obedience as we seek to leave the biggest place in our lives for God. As we do this with self-abandonment, we find that the giants take greater notice of us and march our way. But we also find that we have armour, sword, and shield, and the one who forged it walks with us in the midst of the fight. In this preparation and confidence, let us run into the battle!

A summary of finishing seasons and new beginnings

2010-02-04T02:39:00.000-08:00

Much time has passed since my last post, and its about time that I gave an update. In the whirlwind of October and November, I suddenly found myself walking across the stage for graduation from my first year of Bible College. Shortly after graduation, I moved into my new flat with a handful of amazing Christian young men. There are six of us total and what a group--every one of us represents a different nation!

A week after moving, I boarded a plane to Auckland, New Zealand--my mission to get a new visa. This would allow me to work in order to save up for another year of College. After making my financial needs known to friends and family and asking for their support in prayer, I felt that getting a working and holiday visa was the best option to continue into the new year, and that it would allow me to take ownership in supporting my dream. However, just days before I boarded the plane, I received news that family friends from back home had supported me with enough finance to pay for my first semester's fees and tuition! After praying and seeking counsel for my next year with this new development, I decided it would be best to continue along my original plan to save finance for the span of the whole year, and therefore put this gift into savings. What a blessing this was as were the other financial gifts that began to appear. It appeared that God was reminding me of his favor over this season and assuring me that he was with me during a time when it was easy to lose sight of the goal and get tossed around in the often frequent storms. How grateful I am to these family members in Christ who have valiantly and boldly offered their support in prayers and finance for this kingdom-building journey in which I find myself!

And so returning from New Zealand's North Island to Sydney, Australia, I have begun to work full-time at an Organic Health Food Cafe. My goal is to save enough finance in the next five months to be able to pay for the second semester of college and, God-willing, squeeze in a visit home to family and friends. This latest move has been a step of faith, and I love my job, although working full-time has proved challenging with health that has been shaky, at best, with adjusting to a new and full schedule. However, God has used this time to really cause me to rely on him once again, yet in new ways.

Through this season of transition, perhaps one of the greatest lessons that stands out to me is found in Proverbs 19:21... "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." I have found that during this time, I have made all these arrangements and created options and formed plans for the future just so that everything will work out for the dream I feel God has called me to. However, it is through all these plans that I have found myself striving to make them work out and sadly, this has disguisedly become more about me than even about intimacy with the Father.

Suddenly, I feel more stranded than I have in this desert of self-effort and more lonely than I can recall in a long time. The rain pours from the heavens, bursting in great drops on the ground below my twelve-story apartment, serving to remind me that as I surrender to the grace of the father and recognize my own limitation in weakness, his grace and strength become manifest in my life. And so tonight I come back to center, back to home base and repent of my own striving and give my efforts back to God and in his timing alone. And do you know what? For the first time in months, I feel refreshed. All of the things that have tried to take the place of God like fun, friends, relaxation, education, ambitions, plans, and even dreams, have now come under the proper order, and as a result, peace arises.

So this reminds me to continually go to our refueling source--the Father--for the world does not know Him nor of the life that He brings. But he is our Father and when we neglect his place in our lives, we foolishly run in circles and clutter our lives with noise--noise which is both uneccessary and harmful. And its not that its bad to make decisions and step out in faith. I believe that this is very necessary in our journeys to maturity in Christ. But stepping out must always be preempted by an absolute abandonement of self to Christ in complete humility and surrender. And so, as these are a few of the things I have been learning and reflecing on, it's my hope that they might be of some encouragement to you in you journey as well.

Every blessing!

Ian Ashton

Strengthened by remembrance

2009-09-13T05:03:00.001-07:00

As I woke up today and thought more about yesterday's entry, I deeply felt there was more to write. Both my mind and heart hovered over the meditation brought up in chapel by our school principal.

Just as in Luke chapter five, when Peter is learning what it means to trust Jesus fully, only Jesus knew what would soon happen when Peter would deny him not once, but three times. I believe that Jesus also knew that Peter's trust in him was at the root of this and would play out in his denial of his Lord in the coming hours. What Jesus says next is disturbing, to say the least, for he tells Peter that Satan has demanded to have him, that he might sift him like wheat.

However, even though Jesus knew that Peter would deny him and struggle as Satan brought trial against him in this time of failure, Jesus states, "And when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers." It says "when" you have turned, not "if." Jesus looked beyond Peter's failing to his future triumph as he would establish the foundation of the church in the Lord's grace for its future expansion . Jesus knew what Peter was capable of and who he actually was as God's son. As our school principal stated in chapel, "Jesus is not surprised at our screw-ups. Jesus has prayed for us that our faith won't fail. He looks past our failure to being fast in our walk with him atfterward, being strengthened and not quitting in faith."

And so this brings us back to Peter in the boat, straining and striving to catch fish all night. What Peter learned here, I think, is that self-effort is no effort at all--that it is ultimately failing. However, the same grace that lifted Peter out of his circumstances when he failed to fill his nets with fish was the same grace which looked beyond Peter's failure when denying Jesus to his death. But Jesus himself prayed on Peter's behalf and he prays on ours as well, interceding for us that we might not fail.

I certainly have had my bout of victories as well as trials while on this journey at Bible College in Australia. I believe that because the enemy knows what fruit is coming out of this season, he is trying his best to sift me and throw me off course. However, I can take confidence knowing that Jesus is interceding for me even right now, just as he did for Peter, that my faith might not fail. It is the same for every one of us. I am convinced that oftentimes when we step into a place where the Lord wants us most, we meet the greatest amount of opposition. But we will not fail, as Jesus is himself interceding for us.

Our school prinicpal relayed that when the enemy came to sift us during our journey at Bible College, one of our greatest weapons with which to fight him is to remember all of the ways the Lord has revealed Himself to us--how he has shown his faithfulness to us in times past.

The Israelites, who we learn much from, seemed to unfortunately lack the abilitiy to do this. In Psalm 106, it notes how God delivered his people out of the hands of the Egyptians, bringing them across the read sea, then miraculously providing for their every need in the desert. However, this provision was not enough for them and they began to mumble and groan in their spirit. This was an act of mistrust and doubt. Verse seven illustrates this well: "Our fathers in Egypt understood not nor appreciated Your miracles; they did not [earnestly] remember the multitude of Your mercies nor imprint Your loving-kindness [on their hearts], but they were rebellious and provoked the Lord at the sea, even at the Red Sea." Even though they doubted all along the way, the Lord continued to show his faithfulness to his people. Verse thirteen goes on to reveal more of the tragedy of it all: "But they hastily forgot His works; they did not [earnestly] wait for His plans [to devlop] regarding them..." (Amplified Bible)

As I begin to reflect on this, I am ashamed to even admit my doubt and lack of trust while facing questions of the Lord's provision during this current chapter. The Lord has taken care of me all during this year in every single realm, health, finance, friendship, community... the list goes on. And all of these provisions have been through the body of Christ--God's family. Why would he stop his provision now?

I must remind myself that Jesus is wooing me to himself to bring me to a place of complete trust as I become more aware of my own lack of resources, just like Peter's lack of resources in his midnight fishing fiasco. It is in this place of dire need where the Lord chooses to fill our net to the greatest extent we have yet known--full to bursting! It is in this moment that he works a miracle.

An unexpected catch

2009-09-12T04:38:00.000-07:00

Hello again! I have been meaning to write for the past two and a half weeks.

Life has been a little hectic as of late, but I'm blessed in it all, nonetheless. Maybe I'll just recap a little of what's been going on at the Hillsong International Leadership College...

I have been blessed to receive a job just five minutes away from where I live in Sydney. I have also been able to start leading a venue team for Hillsong College. Aside from this, I have been attending a full-time school and ministry schedule and still managing to find time to sleep and get my daily routine of excersise in. I am also being reminded of the importance of making time for relationships in the midst of busy schedules. As my friend who is a pastor at Hillsong says: "People, after all, are the only thing you get to take to heaven with you."

It's also been interesting trying to fit work in, for I've had a resurgance of health issues as I've tried to take on this new role during an already full-time school and ministry load. As a quick recap, I have battled on an off with the symptoms of chronic fatigue since arriving in Australia. Although getting a job has been a great blessing, it has also tested the limits of my energy and strength while in this season of recovery. I have been recovering so well with my health in the past couple of months that, to be honest, it scared me a bit when I had a setback after starting my job. As I'm now in my last bit of savings for school and needing to work to continue but not knowing how I'll actually hold up in the process, I'm starting to ask the question, "Lord, how is this all going to work out?" I think what I'm really asking is, "Are you going to take care of me Lord?"

I'm reminded now of my school Principal's message to the students the other day in chapel. She was reading from Luke five where the disciples have been fishing all night and have caught nothing. Jesus then asks them to try the fishing net on the other side of the boat. Of course, the disciples have been doing this all of their lives and so for them to comply is definitley an act of humble submission. They are shocked to find that out of their own lack they find provision when they obey Jesus' direction. As the disciples knew, and what I am discovering, is that trust leads to obedience.

Daniel was one such example who I read about this morning. Even when Daniel was persecuted and tried by his enemies who were trying to frame and defame him, Daniel's one response was to seek the Lord more fervently. He was thrown, however, into the lion's den because of it. But Daniel never stopped trusting the Lord; because of this, the Lord showed his faithfulness to Daniel by shutting the mouths of the lions.

And so, in all of this, I have begun to ask myself the question: "How am I showing God that I trust him? Do I really believe what He has promised in his Word? Do I have the integrity to 'go to the lions den' because of my devotion to the Lord in complete faith?" As Jesus relates in John 15, if we really love him, we will obey his commands. One such command which speaks to me is found in Matthew 6: "Do not worry." When our trust comes out of a revelation of God's nature and who he really is, then obedience flows naturally.

Although I don't know exactly how everything will pan out in this season, I do know that he who began a good work in me will carry it out to completion. Although there are questions regarding jobs, finances, health, and even how I might pay for a second year of college (I am feeling more and more called to stay) I do know the one who has already accomplished it all on the cross and secured my eternal future. And so, why do I find myself worrying? I think because God has assure my eternal destination, then providing for health/finance/fill in the blank... shouldn't really pose a problem. God is ready to fill our fishing nets beyond capacity when we simply follow him in trust and obedience--a lesson I'm apt to apply and re-apply every day.

Jesus truly is the best fisherman of all and wants to fill our nets when our own resources have failed. I think that Jesus actually wants us to reach this point of realizing we have nothing left to offer or give, nowhere else to turn but Him, so that his power in our lives may be realized to the fullest potential possible for our human understanding. I am finding that striving and straining must go and that trusting and obedience must flourish. I want to avoid all-nighters fishing when I can rest in my God, knowing that he has the biggest catch of all for those who trust in him.

The reality of healing

2009-08-18T06:14:00.000-07:00

Today, I was privileged to be a part of something miraculous. I was out with some students for Tuesday's ministry outreach team and we were visiting with a friend at her apartment. Toward the end of our time together, she rubbed her arm and commented on how sore it had been ever since it hadn't healed properly when she had broken it. She essentially had no mobility or range of motion with that arm. However, I sensed the Lord was wanting to do something big in this moment. I asked her if we could pray for her and she happily agreed.
As we prayed, I was expectant and thrilled at what God was going to do. I just knew in my spirit that something was going to change that afternoon. After we finished the prayer, our friend burst into a big smile, saying she had felt heat coming from our hands and that she knew that something had changed in her arm. She was full of joy and said she felt extremely light although she couldn't fully explain or describe it.

As we were getting ready to leave a few minutes later, our friend drew attention to her arm, which she was waving excitedly over her head. Just minutes before, she could lift it no more than a few inches. Now she was stretching it out, waving it around, and displaying one the broadest and most joy-filled smiles I've seen in a long, long time!
I just stood there, finding it quite difficult to comprehend that I was standing in the midst of a miracle. I remember while we were praying, thinking, "All glory to you, Jesus. All glory to you," and it was truly to his glory that we were witnessing this miracle. We do not know exactly where our friend stands with Jesus Christ, but we do know that the Holy Spirit tangibly invaded that room this afternoon with profound healing power because of his great compassion and love for this woman. As Psalm 145:8 says, "The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love."

As I reflect on this afternoon's events, it brings fresh insight to Psalm 103:2-5, which sums up our great joy best: "Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits--who forgives all your sins and heals all you diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagles."

"Get out and do something"

2009-08-12T04:46:00.000-07:00

It's amazing sometimes how caught up we get in our own story. No doubt our story is an amazing journey and a gift from God when we walk with Him, but is it possible that we sometimes take ourselves a bit too seriously? I know I can. The other day I found myself stewing over some "predicament" or another and I was seeking God for direction. Although I was seeking God, I was focusing on my circumstances more and more that pretty soon, all I was getting was more and more confused. I'm reminded now of how Proverbs 3:5-8 says to not rely on our own insight or understanding but to acknowledge the Lord in everything we do and he will makes our paths straight. So, as I was asking God what to do, I heard something inside quip, "Get out and do something." I was looking for some profound word from heaven, some fire to fall and consume the altar. I don't know. But as I started relfecting, it became clear that oftentimes I get really preoccupied in figuring out the answers when what I really need is an outlet. If we are getting poured into but we have no outlet, it doesn't matter how much fresh water is coming in; we will still become stagnant. An inlet as well as an outlet is required for a fresh body of water to stay fresh. It was interesting that God gave freedom of choice in this statement: "get out and do something." He trusts our judgement and oftentimes rather than giving us the answer in neon lights in the sky, he wants us to step out in faith as we are seeking his best. I've been struggling with this a lot lately in looking for a job. God has provided in supernatural ways that have blown me away this year at Bible College and I have been amazed at how, time after time he has provided for me through the body of Christ. Right now in my journey, I'm getting to the bottom of my barrel with my finances and I'm starting to talk to God a lot, if you know what I mean. "God, show me what to do; please guide me." I have been worried about having the strength to work should I get a job as I'm recovering with my health during this season. But now my perspective has shifted a bit. I've decided to step out in faith, believing that He will provide the strength I need in this season to do all I need to do and to do it well. Now, don't get me wrong--sometimes we need to take a step back and evaluate what's on our plate when we suddenly find items spilling off the edge. But I believe what we have here is something different. What I have experienced lately is simply desiring to act in faith rather than sitting and stagnating, pondering what I am to do. I believe God honors action and faith as we seek Him in wisdom.
Something else the Lord has shown me is that he shows favor to those who live with humility but that he also opposes the proud. When we try to figure out our problems without taking action in faith to change our circumstances, we are essentially feeding pride--pride in us thinking we can figure things out and at a certain point arrive at a conclusion. When we engage in faith through action, we are showing that we do not know it all but are willing to set our understanding aside in order to pursue the Kingdom first. In this, we are trusting God and we are humbling ourselves. And here's the amazing thing: When we do this, God's supernatural favor flows over us because we have humbled ourselves before him. Now that is a way to make decisions, in my mind! Easier said than done, and God will speak to us uniquely and individually in our own circumstances, but I know from my experience that God honors faith and that he honors humility.

For me, "Get out and do something" means that I must lose my life in order to find it. Getting outside of my circumstances means that I'm giving up control, and thus pride, and seeking to trust God rather than what I see or understand in my own ability. And I believe this can look like getting out to help someone, offering an encouraging word, a listening ear, a smile--being others focused. Believe me, I've got a long ways to go in this! The temptation is to pull into ourself and fix things on our own but the reality is that this is pride and exalting ourself and our own needs above God and his wisdom. However, "seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things shall be given to you as well." I've found that when I get outside myself and seek first the kingdom, my circumstances seem to solve themselves with more than a little divine help from above.

Love covers a multitude of sins

2009-07-30T06:18:00.000-07:00

It's funny when these things come to you. Sometimes we sit up late at night with our leather-bound journal and our peppermint tea latte straining to have some inkling of creative inspiration or tap into some God-whispered mystery, when all the while God wishes to speak to us in his way and on his watch. Such was the occasion today when I was sitting in introduction to worship music class and mid-lecture, I found my mind drifting to God's love.

In this season at Bible College, I have had some rather large hurdles with health that, quite frankly, make me think at times that it might be best to take time off from school and simply rest up, get better, and come back when I'm healthy. But that's making a lot of assumptions. That's assuming everything goes according to plan, that everything in this plan will be safe, and that in the end, everything will work out the way I foresaw.

What, then, about relationships? Do these usually go according to plan? There's actually a lot in relationship that probably will not go according to plan. There's the chance you could get hurt--a big chance, actually. What if you are married and then, a year into marriage, much like C.S. Lewis's story, you find your spouse has an incurable disease about which neither of you knew. Obviously, this will dramatically change your lives. In a similar way, God chose to enter into relationship with humanity, even at the great risk of being hurt, and hurt deeply at that. But what is love's response to the sin that we willfully brought into our world? The Bible says that love covers a multitude of sins. But can the cure for all of our greatest trials and pains really be distilled down to this love of which the Bible speaks?

Oftentimes in life, the temptation is to look at the peripheral, those things which seem to be most pressing and those directly at hand. Let's go back to the newly-married couple. Perhaps the introduction of this disease into their lives makes things hard--very hard. What would one think if the couple separated in order to allow one partner to heal from the disease before coming back to the marriage--all this in order to prevent any tainting of the marriage? I would hope one finds the idea as rediculous as do I. The healthy response for the couple would seem to work through this new and unexpected trial together, letting their love for each other grow, flourish, and ultimately carry them through their hardship, and on the other side of it all, posessing a stronger and more perfect love than ever before.

Isn't it much the same in our relationship with God? At least in my life, it is often tempting when I realize something needs fixing in my life to tell God, "Ok, I'm going to go work on this and then come back to you. Is that cool?", when in real-time, this isn't the reality of relationships. When things get tough in life, God's perfect love expands to exceed the trial's demands. Of this I am convinced: God wants our trials to make us fall back into his arms of love rather than drive us further into ourselves and striving, self-effort, self-help, and self-promotion. In our trials, God is desiring for us to catch a complete glimpse of his perfect love and grace. Oftentimes, it takes such trial to get us to this point. This is why, for me personally, I don't believe that simply packing up to work on the peripherall of my health is the main issue at hand. I believe the Lord is showing me something more profound--calling to the deeper places in my heart. He is asking me to trust him in faith and let his love cover everything--all pains, all ailments--and alllow his perfect love to be made complete in my life. This is truly one of God's greatest graces of which I have yet known.

The adventure continues..

2009-07-24T20:05:00.000-07:00

Wow, I can't believe it. I officially have a blog! It has taken a while to get started but it's up and running and that's all that counts. And it's my goal to keep all those I care about, my family and friends, updated on what is going on in my journey.
This "maiden voyage" post finds me in Sydney, Australia, just stepping into my second semester at the Hillsong International Leadership College. The first semester has been quite the journey, and I hope to dedicate a full posting or two to to more fully document it. As I begin this next semester, I am mindful of God's provision in getting me here and keeping me here and I find it vital that I give Him praise for his faithfulness.
In order to best explain this, I must briefly recap my time here thus far. During my time here in Bible College with Hillsong, I have run into several health problems which unfortunately climaxed while beginning my studies in Australia. This has limited what I have been able to do in my time here. However, God has provided for me in amazing ways. After my loving family and friends back home have contributed in prayer and even financial support for my time here, I have been able to step into my second semester here at Hillsong. And after wondering which direction was in store for next semester and provision, God surprised me yet again with an amazing group of friends from my home church, Maranatha Baptist in Logan, Utah, who spent a great amount of time in prayer interceeding for me. During this time, I felt great breakthrough in my situation and also in direction for my future time with Hillsong. Then about a week later, a financial gift from an anonymous source simply turned up in my home mail box in Utah. This gift more than doubled what I had pledged to give to our "Heart for the House" offering at Hillsong--a financial gift meant to pour into our church's ministry for reaching people worldwide with the gospel and sharing Christ's love. Oftentimes, this goal is accomplished through meeting the practical needs of food and shelter of those in third world countries or providing disaster relief for people caught in tragedies such as the devastating flooding in Fiji.
So, this is what blew me away: Just that day I had prayed for God to provide a way for me to be in college if that's where he wanted me to stay. (At this point, I was considering taking time away from college to get my health settled before continuing.) My mom then called me literally right as I finished praying and gave me news about this financial provision which had just come through. I was just blown away by God showing me that he had not forgotten this act of faith and that he was wanting to provide for my time in Bible College here in Australia and take care of me.
So, the adventure continues this next semester and I take it day by day, seeking the Mana from heaven daily, and receiving the provision I need for each day. And do you know what I'm discovering? It's not always comfortable in the process, but it's an exciting place to live from and it's teaching me trust the Lord more fully. I'm excited to see where the Lord takes me this semester as I seek him day by day. And he's teaching me more and more to seek his face and not his hand to change my circumstances or bring what I think I need. I am realizing more and more that we are transformed in his presence and in his presence is fullness of joy and the joy of the Lord is truly our strength! Out of this place of intimacy, we find true fullfillment and provision.